Simplicity.

24th May 2012

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There is NOTHING more heart breaking than being told someone doesn’t love you anymore and that someone else is getting all their attention. I feel sick everyday and cry at everything, all I want is my baby back. Is that too much to ask for?

13th May 2012

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You know when you’re madly in love with someone, but know its not working and that you have to let go. When they’ve dragged you threw so much yet strangely you would do it all again but you know you deserve more. But you have every faith that they might one day get their act together and offer you everything they ever promised and more. And that you don’t want to spend time with them or see them anymore because they annoy you and have hurt you too much to stand breathing the same air as them but you can’t ever imagine being without them? That love and hate scenario? Best friend and worst enemy. You know you’re not strong enough to walk away cause his loves is all you’ve ever wanted - minus the flaws. You’re scared that one day he will prove you wrong and make you regret the day you walked away. But you can’t see yourself with this person till the very end even though you wish you could. Is it unfair to hold out and see how things turn out? I mean it’s not like I don’t love him cause I do, I just..don’t want life to be like this. If circumstances were different and we hadn’t experienced all that we have, I would not be doubting this decision. You know how they say that your perfect partner is a guy who epitomises your father, he’s nothing like my father and I’m not sure no man will ever come up to scratch with him either. He loves me and makes me feel loved an that should be enough. But it’s not. He can’t help but mess everything up. Mess me up. Take me for granted. Break my heart and then try and stick it all back together, or better yet I try to do that myself. But it didn’t work. Somewhere along the line all those times you broke my heart I lost tiny little pieces of what made me love you so much and be blinded by you. I’m glad I waited for something that was true but inevitably one day I knew it would end. I always said I would never give up on us aslong as I still knew I loved you-I could go my life wondering what if I’d kept trying. But every morning I wake up, I’m losing sight of why I ever even loved you. You’re stuck in the same rut you have been since you were 14 and no matter how much I try to bring out the potential I know you have, you become more reluctant than ever. I know it’s there and I look like a mug everytime you let me down, but I used to think you were worth it. Used to. Coming to terms with losing the best thing to ever walk into your life and save you just as you were losing all faith in yourself and make you feel like you were the only thing that existed in a room full of people, make you feel so safe with just one smile, when ever I seen you or someone mentioned your name my face just automatically lit up, which I still to this day have. I just feel like I’m at cross roads and no one can make this decision for me. Either way im going to hurt myself I just can’t figure out which choice will be best in the long run. But I guess that’s the beauty of life, right?